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people are so beautiful, and i wish everyone could just sit back and enjoy the faces that pass them by every day. instead of insulting and picking them apart. i know i've done this at times. and sometimes i don't say the nicest things.
but the frailty of a human life is un-deniable. i'm just starting to realize i don't want to be the one to push someone over the edge. everyone has some kind of redeeming quality.
the realization that there is something to love about everyone is something all people need to learn.
my wish for everyone this year, is that you all can just live your lives out as gracefully as you can. and not worry about the bad things that happen to you. or the things people say that may tarnish your hope. there is always hope. if you lose hope, you lose sanity.
there are few people in this world that i love, but those that i do love know who they are.
don't take life for granted, death will smack you in the face.
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Am I the only one who thinks the fashion for girls right now is just fucking ridiculous? I'm talking about mainstream fashion. I wont even get into the fashion of the scenester bitches. Although somewhere between now and the last time I went to the mall they seem to have sort of merged into a giant mess of so called "style".
Ive never been one to really follow trends. Maybe if they were cute trends I will hop the bandwagon, but most trends are not cute and therefore I try to steer clear of them. The reason I think I do this is because everytime I see a new trend, it takes me a good 6 to 8 months to process when in the hell this shit came into vogue, and by the time I accept it, the trend is over and some new bullshit is around that I hate even more.
Apparently its ok now to look like a homeless person. I went to H&M and no lie, every single item of clothing in there looked like it was taken off the back of a bum, not washed or ironed, and then put on the rack for people to buy.
Then this other store consisted entirely of tunics with no form or shape to them, that were underneath a screen t-shirt, that was underneath a vest, that was underneath a hoodie, that was underneath a cropped jean jacket, paired with a tiny jean skirt that look like it had been done with a bedazzler, over a pair of black leggings with lace around the bottom, with a giant WWF world championship sized belt, with a bulky purse that could easily carry all your shit along with a 35 pound turkey.
What the fuck is wrong with the world?
Please. Tell me. Who wears this shit? And why? WHY?
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Wednesday, January 25th, 2006
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| Time: | 4:50 pm. |
| Mood: |  cheerful. | | Music: | The world is black - GOOD CHARLOTTE. |
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The Supernatural star reveals his secret talents – and turn-ons
As ghost buster Dean Winchester on the WB hit Supernatural, Jensen Ackles can sniff out evil in a heartbeat. But in real life, he's got a nose for what's sexy: "I love the smell of shampoo on a girl's hair," says the former Days of Our Lives actor, 27. Ackles, a Texas native and one of PEOPLE's Sexiest Men of 2005, filled us in about what else makes him weak in the knees.
What's your type?
Me and my buddies say, "Someone who gets it." Gets sarcasm, gets high-brow humor. Ultimately, someone who you can pal around with and also be intimate with. Someone who can laugh at your jokes – it may sound cheesy, but someone who can be your best friend as well as your lover.
What's the sexiest thing a woman can wear?
I'm into a casual-dressing girl: blue jeans and a tank top is super sexy. But the sexiest thing on a girl – when I see it I'm like, oh my God – is these little tight boxers. Don't get me wrong – g-strings are fine – but those cover a little, to where it's just enough.
Do you and costar Jared Padalecki ever go out carousing?
I do my best to corrupt the little guy, but sometimes I've got to respect his relationship (with actress Sandra McCoy).
How about the fan love? Any wild moments?
Sometimes if you're in the wrong place at the wrong time and you walk out of a bar and a guy's girlfriend recognizes you and the guy doesn't like it too much and starts hollering at you – that can get tricky. That happened to Jared and me a couple of months ago.
What's your hidden talent?
I have a buddy of mine who's a musician and I play guitar and sing quite a bit with him.
What's the best present you've ever given a woman?
I would say it was a black pearl ring that I designed for her. The pearl I picked up in Tahiti at a market and fished through a bowl full of these pearls until I found my favorite one. The worst gift that I ever gave a girl was a suitcase for Christmas. As in, "I can't think of anything to give you, but here's a new suitcase." Afterward, I was like, "What were you thinking, idiot?"
http://people.aol.com/people/articles/0,19736,1149507,00.html
*faint*
Is it possible NOT TO FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM?!
No.
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Friday, January 20th, 2006
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| Time: | 4:04 pm. |
| Mood: |  bored. |
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Best
1. Male friend: Evan and Gabe
2. Female friend: Sunni, Haley, Sare+
3. Vacation: Three years ago when I went to lookout mountain. Wait, two years, I think.
4. Age: 18
5. Memory: none :P
Worst:
1. Hair style: When I was four and my mom cut it like hers, extremely ugly, so I wouldnt be twisting my hair and shit.
2. Day of the week: Monday
3. Fear: Lonliness
4. Memory: no comment.
5. Boyfriend or girlfriend: ... see above
Lasts:
1. Person you talked on the phone with: Cara
2. Kissed: Meggers, on a dare.
3. Hugged: step dad
4. Email: I sent the email to like fifteen people.
5: IM: Haley
Firsts:
1. Serious boyfriend or girlfriend? Jesse Brown
2. Car: BMW!!
3. First school: Kelly springs
4. Job: waffle houe. ick.
Today:
1. What are you doing now: Typing, talking to Paige, watching her play 3D pinball.
2. Tonight: Hang out, just whatever. See if Kristi's and my hott emo dudes gunna drive us to the mall. :P
3. Wearing: Blue jeans, Sunni's tube top.
Tomorrow:
1. Is: Saturday
2. Got any plans: Maybe Kristi spend the night, maybe mall with kristi and hott emo dude matt.
3. Goal: corruption of kristi.
4. Dislikes about tomorrow: NO DISLIKES!! SATURDAY!
5. Do you have work: nooo
Favorite:
1. Number: 18
2: Song: "Nobody puts the baby in the corner" - Fall Out Boy & "Stay on my side tonight" - Jimmy Eat World & "Memory" - Sugarcult & "The last sunrise" - Aiden
3. Color: red & black
4. Season: Spring
5. State: Texas
1. Rather be: Home.
2. Have a crush: nooooo commmment
3. Talking to any one: PAIGEY WAGEY
4. Mood: :Lazy
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Thursday, January 19th, 2006
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Do you ever have one of those days? You know.. the days where you feel like you're just sitting in a fishbowl. Like there are tons of things surrounding you, water, other fish, plants, unknown things, but you just can't take it in. You're in your own universe and it's comforting but gives you a lost feeling. No, I don't feel sad or mad or depressed or anxious. I'm not mellow. I'm not happy. I'm just there. You know? And like nothing is surprising or funny. If it is it either has to be really extreme or incredibly stupid just to hit a nerve. You have Ratatat or really slow old instrumental video game songs playing in your head at all times. You're nostalgic, but not quite. You could stare at something for minutes and appreciate it every second without getting impatient. You're not talkative and you have the weirdest thoughts. Here's an example of what I said to Nicole today.
"You know, behind our skin we're just bone. And underneath that bone there are veins and muscle and organs shaped like this *insert weirdly shaped hand motion*. That's all. And it's weird we are who we are because underneath it all we're all the same. Just like, my brain is the shape of your brain. We are like one Nicole. You're just half black." OR! This was to Blake last night.
"Do you ever just look at your name and think it's not yours? For instance, mine, is quite odd if you look at it for awhile and then it does't even look like how it's pronounced."
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Tuesday, January 17th, 2006
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I hate when people say Im shy. If you actually knew me, you would know i talk all the time. I have high standards and morals for myself. You cannot change me. I think its fun getting to know people outside of your typical "stereotype." You can learn a lot from them. I wish people would open their eyes and quit being so judgemental about eachother.Caffeine is my drug and keeps me living. Psychology is fascinating, and something I really look forward to majoring in. I love people who are unique. I cant stand those who copy everyone and have no individuality. I dont need drugs or alcohol to have fun. Like almost every other girl, I have no confidence. British accents are hot. I think designer bags are cute, but overrated and a waste of money. Nothing is handed to me anymore. I work hard for my money and for the things that I want/need.
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Thursday, January 5th, 2006
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| Time: | 9:27 pm. |
| Mood: |  blank. |
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I collect pictures. I had a collection of pictures from magazines that were just from commercial advertising that had over 500 photographs. I like pictures and I like to look at them. These photos inspired me and I had so much sentimental value tied to them. I could pick one up and tell you what was going on with me or what I was obsessed with. I have 45 pictures of how people depicted Andy Warhol. I had two times that in Megan Ewing and so many more of Marciano ads. I love and obsess and can't get over Megan Ewing and Alyxx is the only one that knows that she's been the #1 lady in my life for like 3 or 4 years.
So imagine having all of this taken away from you without you knowing. It's thrown away because someone thought it was trash.
It was my collection. My feelings, memories, emotions. And it's gone. I can't quite grasp it because I loved everything about every single one. They weren't really even that great, but I loved them and they're gone and they are material things but as I've been saying, I loved them and they made me happy.
My mom threw them away. She just discarded them and kept things that she thought would be important to me. White pieces of paper and booklets on how to write a term paper, applications to colleges and scholarships, useless trinkets I don't care about. It's just so annoying because I feel like I'm being molded into something that I don't like. I'm just pissed off because I fucking hate everything I'm doing and I'm only doing it so I can put it on applications and move on with my life.
I fucking hate In Youth We Trust and the Youth Charity Jam and the 100+ community hours of work I do a year. I hate "working" for a student body that doesn't appreciate anything I do and I hate getting yelled at when I don't do it. I hate that I feel like I don't get appreciated for these things and I feel like I'm being forced into going to RVC. I feel like I'm stuck. I'm stuck in Rockford and I'm not digging it.
If you take away the beautiful things (ex. my pictures.) only facts are left and these are the facts. I can't fantasize about the things I used to because I don't have the things that stimulate me to do so. I really hate to say something like this but I feel like I don't know who I am without these things. I kind of feel like I'm turning my back on everything about me. I'm quitting violin for the moment. I'm definitely outspoken and I don't really care if people know what I've done (ie. drinking etc. etc.) I'm just so used to being the shy girl that is on all of the committees for everything and just so happens to be nice. Now I'm the girl that calls people out to their face and isn't afraid to judge out loud or talk about something that other people are scared too. It's weird to think you're something and you're not and I have no idea how I drifted from losing something that I love to me changing as a person.
I guess you could say that I'm losing apart of me that I love? But not really. I love who I am so much right now and the only thing I wish I could change wuold be to finally get rid of this shy girl exterior and really not be afraid to be who I am because it's still holding me back.
I'm not pessimistic or pissed or in denial or anything. I'm just thinking through my keyboard and I don't know where I'm going. In 6 months I'll know my top colleges. In 6 months I'll know what I want to be and it doesn't seem real. I'm scared of it because the only dream I've held onto is being a Trophy Wife. I change my dream occupation every 4 weeks. It just doesn't seem fair that some people fall into what they're good at and I can't really list anything right now.
Maybe this is just a tiny, tiny identity crisis?
I don't really think like this anymore because I think about all of the things that don't really matter and I get so freaking upset about all of it. All of my pre-test scores were low and my grades have fallen and I don't strive for anything anymore. It's slowly changing back to what it used to be, I guess. I don't know. If anything I'm having a future crisis in the present, that's the best that I can describe it. And I don't want your sympathies on this because I didn't set out for that. I don't want it'll be ok's and you'll do fine and stop stressing. I just wanted you to read all of this.
P.S. The Victoria's Secret Semi-Annual sale was lovely. VS currently has forced (everything is so beautiful and/or cute.) me to lose $200 to them and to unwillingly not accept an Angels card. I'm so addicted.
 Dear Santa...
Dear Santa,
This year I've been busy!
In October I stole ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) daydreamer257's purse (-30 points). Last Sunday I set laydeebugg429's puppy on fire (-66 points). Last Thursday I saved a busload of nuns in Angola (326 points). In August I gave createdmemory a Dutch Oven (-10 points). In May I donated bone marrow to bdavis90 in a life-saving procedure (300 points).
Overall, I've been nice (520 points). For Christmas I deserve a shiny red ball!
Sincerely,
Serena_Delacour |
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Thursday, December 15th, 2005
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I dl'ed all these old school one hit wonder songs that I used to love and bring me back to my junior high years. If you dont know these songs by name, dl them. You'll know them when you hear them. They're mostly like 90's alternative. Mostly..
days of the new - touch, peel and stand
seven mary three - cumbersome
big audio dynamite - rush
primitive radio gods - standing outside a broken phone booth
mighty mighty bosstones - someday i suppose
tracy bonham - mother mother
nick cave - red right hand
cowboy mouth - jenny says
temple of the dog - hunger strike
kula shaker - hush
colin james - surely (i love you)
cranberries - ode to my family
p.s. i think gwen stefanis song/video "hollaback girl" is so cute.
I want to see that Kung Fu Hustle movie. Am I gay? It looks cool.
Why is it that if you have a great life, you arent happy unless other people think your life is great also? I'm not speaking about myself. I'm saying some other people do that and I dont understand it. Like someone could have sex with a celeb, go sky diving, swim with dolphins, go on a shopping spree in Paris, and create world peace, but their day isnt complete until they tell everyone what they've done. You know what I'm saying? Good. Whats that about?
My newest career goal for this week is becoming an Architect. Did I already write about this? I cant remember. I just like designing the layouts for houses minus the actual measurements.
The south park episode about terri shiavo played by kenny and psp sent from god was fucking hilarious. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T SHOW ME IN THAT CONDITION ON NATIONAL TELEVISION.
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Saturday, December 3rd, 2005
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Take the quiz: "Which Ginger Snaps character are you?"
Ginger Fitzgerald
You're obsessed with death and suicide. You're an outcast, different to the others, but inside you have a craving desire to belong. You're dead sexy and you know how to flaunt it.
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Monday, November 28th, 2005
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| Time: | 3:26 pm. |
| Mood: | blah. |
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"You know that thing about judging a book by its cover? It's true. Sometimes you gotta read the whole thing and even then you still might not know the whole story."- Peyton Sawyer, A Mulitude Of Casualties
Am I in that kind of mood to be Peyton Sawyer? Right now, yes. Just all those emotions reaching the surface again as I think about the past. You're suppose to leave the past behind you right? I guess in my case the past just keeps coming back after I "throw" it away.
So much for an update. I guess it's all I feel like expressing right now. I'm going to draw some more.
Bye-----
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Friday, November 18th, 2005
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serena_delacour's Halloween party:
createdmemory dressed as a bottle of Genoid.
daydreamer257 dressed as Hilary Duff, and it suited them all too well.
drowningdork dressed as the Earl of Hilglucoivor, though it looked more like Jennifer Aniston.
i_______loveyou dressed as a discount.
laydeebugg429 dressed as a character from Harry Potter and the Stars Mystic.
my_f8_is_ur_h8 dressed as the love child of Johnny Depp and Queen Elizabeth.
youkai369 dressed as something saving, but what, specifically, you can't tell.
Throw your own party at the Hallomeme!
Created with phpNonsense
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Thursday, October 27th, 2005
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so I'll leave you to enjoy the days you spend without me. so wish in your hand, and I'll shit in mine; and I bet you mine fills up first. words seem to roll right off your tongue. you articulate in perfect sentences & make a masterpiece of ending my life. so clever with your let downs as you fill the air with lies. so I'll sit alone & wonder what is really going on beyond your eyes. I'll circle your house for days & hope that you come to meet me. so many foot impressions form a moat, and you'll see how deep my feelings are for you; and you still won't care. so I'll leave you to enjoy the days you spend without me. let's hold hands & be the best of friends; and I bet I'll never feel this way again.
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Friday, October 21st, 2005
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All that work done for nothing. Now Wilma will destory things ONCE agian, when we havent even fully finished from the first hurricane!! I think everyone should take what they have, and abandon florida, forever. I mean, do you really want to go through a repeating process month after month?!
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if you could live forever, would you?
think about it
i have...and my answer is no i wouldnt because life has to get boring after at least 50-60 years... dont you think?
i feel so mentally old sometimes... i have a feeling when i turn 30 i'll all of the sudden feel like im a teenager again and want to do all the "fun" things there are to do... its possible and it keeps me alive with hope
something is wrong with me
can i get personal here for a second?
everything i say in my journal is personal actually but you people think im joking or making up these stories about myself and my life to be cute... i'm really insane and when i make these elaborate entries about just a small part of my fucked-up-ness... they're not supposed to be for your entertainment
god this sounds like a suicide note
which means i can mark that off my to-do-incase-of-emergency list
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Sunday, October 16th, 2005
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It's official, I think we all know that I'm a fighter, in every sense of the word. Mentally, physically, and well hell, when I can I love to argue, I'm good at it, you could say my parents taught me well. Just thought I'd say that...
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Tuesday, October 11th, 2005
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I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I
wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
Repost this if you believe homophobia is wrong.
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Sunday, October 9th, 2005
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Lately I've been so fatigued, sore, just shitty feeling. Something is seriously wrong with me. I'm going to the doctor on Wednesday, so we'll find out. I have all these problems that I wanted to get checked out before I started feeling this way though. I broke my butt bone a long time ago and recently its been killing me again, I have this feeling in my throat like theres something stuck, I have a severe case of TMJ, my 3rd and 4th toes on my right foot will randomly go white/purple and numb and will stay that way for an hour, and I have horrible migranes. After telling my doctor all this shit I'm sure he'll think I'm a hypochondriac but its true.
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Monday, October 3rd, 2005
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I'm so fucking pissed.
Fuck your way.
It's mine now. If you dont like it, please go ahead and fucking leave me alone. I'm done with helping people.
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Thursday, September 29th, 2005
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FINALLY SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS ME! Lmfao.
I love her. She's so dark and morbid. My idol.
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